Polish Town Rejects Winnie the Pooh for Being a Pantless Hermaphrodite

Nov 21, 2014 at 5:17 pm |
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This willy, nilly, silly old bear is apparently just more than willy and nilly, he’s also hermaphroditic–or so says the town council of Tuszyn, Poland.

The town, located 87 miles outside of Warsaw, was recently deciding on a mascot for their new children’s playground, and Pooh Bear was on the shortlist as a contender. Sadly the binge-eating bear was cut when the town decided he might not be the perfect role model for the children since he’s “inappropriately dressed,” and is of a “dubious sexuality.”

Resident and councillor Ryszard Cichy went on the record as saying, “The problem with that bear is it doesn’t have a complete wardrobe. It is half naked which is wholly inappropriate for children.”

Another resident of the town, Hanna Jachimska, accused the story’s author, A. A. Milne, of mutilating the bear:

“This is very disturbing but can you imagine! The author was over 60 and cut his [Pooh’s] testicles off with a razor blade because he had a problem with his identity.”

There’s some serious Freudian sh*t going on there.

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If you haven’t seen Winnie the Pooh, you probably had no childhood, but also you would know that almost none of the characters in the Hundred Acre Wood have a hard-lined specified sexuality–and it might be a little awkward if Pooh Bear was sporting a large honeycomb in his neither region.

After all, Barbie has been a hermaphrodite for years, and she’ll probably stay that way unless she finally gets plastic surgery.

The kind folks of Tuszyn need to settle down for a nice nap, and snuggle up to their favorite teddy bear, so they can remember what it’s like to see the world through the eyes of a child–that’s what Pooh Bear would do.

This silly old bear is apparently just more than willy and nilly–he’s hermaphroditic. Find out why!