The Secret Hipsters of Hollywood

Mar 11, 2014 at 9:29 am |
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Secret Hipsters of Hollywood Title

An invasive species has been recently discovered in Hollywood: The Hipster! For decades these self conscious creatures mainly flourished in their native lands of Portland, Brooklyn, and an undisclosed basement somewhere in the middle part of the country. But over the past several years, like the slow creep of their scruffy beards, the hipster has moved its way into Hollywood. Whether you can’t stand hipsters, or you think hipster hate is America’s newest stupiddemic, one thing is for sure: we’re allowed to make fun of them! If you don’t agree, then please consult our Flow Chart of Appropriate Teasing for proof.

Hipsters of Hollywood Flow Chart

Joaquin Phoenix

Joaquin Phoenix Gif

Scruff beard, sunglasses, and performance art. Joaquin, you take the gold statue thing for leading hipster.

Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt Hipster

That self-righteous smile only comes by means of that hipster hair… also the money, fame, power, and the world’s most beautiful wife.

Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp Hobo Hipster

The line between hipster and hobo is a little blurry. Johnny Depp owns a lot of property on that line.

Jared Leto

Jared Leto Hipster

The hair! The bow tie! So Jared, so hipster.

John Mayer

John Mayer and Katy Perry Gif

We all thought it was John Mayer + Katy Perry = Love 4 Ever. Nope. Got commitment issues? So hipster. John, you must love yourself before you can really love anything.

Angelina Jolie

Angelina Jolie's Tattoos

Tattoos are VERY hipster. And Angelina takes the artisanal vegan fig jam cake for tattoos. Nothing there you’ll every regret there, Angy.

Mary-Kate Olsen

Mary Kate Olsen Hipster

It’s rumored that Mary Kate Olsen is engaged to her 15-year-her-senior beau. We’re not quite sure if that’s hipster or not, but she’s not lack in other hipster qualities.

Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow BusGwyneth Paltrow taking Apple around on a Vespas is pretty hipster–OH GOD LOOK OUT A BUS!!!

An invasive species has been recently discovered in Hollywood: The Hipster! For decades these self conscious creatures mainly flourished in their native lands of Portland, Brooklyn, and an undisclosed basement somewhere in the middle part of the country.